I Don't Understand
by koizutavia
Summary: A one-shot series filled with fun, joy and love! What more could you ask for? Details on specific one-shots in their A/Ns.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so uhhh... hello! This is just a short fic. It has some yaoi in it (destiel and wincest) though none of the yaoi is direct and only implied. I was thinking that if maybe this gets enough attention (positive attention) that it could become a series of one shots dedicated to Castiel and his not understanding anything. So... cheers?**

**Title: I Don't Understand  
**

**Words: 1364 (2 pages)... or at least that's what OpenOffice says... Fanfiction says it's 1310 words.  
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**Genre: Humour (parody could be in there somewhere, perhaps)  
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**Pairings: Destiel/Wincest****  
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**Enjoy ~  
**

_**(YaoiYaoiYaoi)**_

"Cas!" Dean called throughout the house in search of his friend Castiel. Or Cas for short. The man had just started his search for the angel when I decided to start writing about it. I can tell you, he wasn't looking for very long before Castiel appeared behind him, utilizing his angelic powers to teleport where ever he pleased.

"You called?" Castiel asked.

Dean turned around without hesitation, quite used to Castiel's ability of teleportation and how often he used it. "Yeah, I did actually."

"What is it?"

"I need you to go to the store, pick up a few things for me and Sammy," Dean answered.

Castiel gave him an enquiring glance. "Why can't you do it?"

Dean clasped his hands together as he thought about an excuse. He had rather hoped that Castiel wouldn't ask that, as he really had no other reason besides "I don't really feel like it". "Well you see," he started. "It's because... I'm busy."

Castiel looked around the room to see what Dean could possibly be occupied with, but not coming up with anything, the angel asked him.

"Things," Dean answered. "Important things." He wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulders and patted him. "So just go on down to Wal-Mart or something and buy some things for me and Sammy, kay? It's not a long list or anything. Considering you can teleport there, it should take even less time. Plus I'll give you my credit card."

"Fine," Castiel agreed before disappearing behind the sound of fluttering angel wings.

"I haven't given you my credit card yet!" Dean yelled at nothing in particular, hoping Castiel would hear him.

There was the same sound (fluttering angel wings might I remind you) as Castiel came back. "Yes, I nearly forgot."

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of plastic, which he handed to our angelic friend. While he did this he told Cas what he expected him to come back with. The man repeated the list in his mind as he wandered around the store (which he conveniently teleported to after Dean finished telling him what the list consisted of); a box of Kleenex ("or two" Dean had added), some cucumbers, something called K-Y jelly and a carton of milk. Oh and a couple loaves of bread. He easily found the milk, so he took a jug of it and put it in his basket, then continued on his way. It was after he had found the Kleenex and the bread when he couldn't seem to locate the K-Y Jelly or cucumbers. Unsure of what to do he decided to ask an employee.

"Excuse me," Castiel said to someone who just happened to pass by him. "My name is Castiel, I was wondering if you could help me find some items I'm looking for."

The man appeared to be a bit puzzled at first, but he shrugged. "Sure, I guess. What are you looking for?"

"Thank you," Castiel replied. "I'm looking for cucumbers and..."—he paused so he could remember correctly the name of the product he needed—"K-Y Jelly." Now the stranger seemed even more perplexed than before. He gave Castiel a weird look, causing the angel to tilt his head at him quizzically. "Is something wrong?"

"Um... no, I guess not," the stranger replied.

"Good," Castiel gave a single nod. "Do you know where they are?"

The man directed Cas to the produce section for the cucumbers, all though he had told him that he didn't know where the K-Y Jelly was located. The angel went to the produce and retrieved some cucumbers, adding them to his basket with the rest of his groceries.

Castiel wandered up and down aisles looking for the Jelly. Finally he had found it. Curious, he inspected the box. "Personal Lubricant. Love made better" was what the angel had read. He mouthed the words in repetition to himself, trying to figure out what they meant. He dropped the box into his basket and headed for the tills when he figured it wasn't important. He waited in line for a while before he was able to load his items onto the belt for the cashier to scan. In his basket, though, was an item he didn't recognize. It was a small, rectangular box that read "Trojan" on it. While he stood there, pouring over the box and trying to think of how it could have found its way into his basket, seeing how he didn't put it there, he heard a cough. No, not a cough, more like someone clearing their throat. Cas peered up from the box to see the cashier staring at him with what looked like an amused expression. He held the box up so she could see it.

"I don't know where this came from," he explained, then handed the Trojan box to the cashier.

"Mhmmm," the cashier said sarcastically as she took the box and scanned it.

"Oh, no, I don't want that," Castiel interjected. "Someone must have put it in my basket."

The cashier raised her eyebrows at Cas, then directed a short lived look at his current items. She proceeded to put her hand on her hip and stare at Cas with an unimpressed gaze. "Honey, if you buyin' cucumbers and K-Y Jelly"—she paused to show herself putting the box of Trojan (that's what Castiel called it) into his bag of groceries—"then you gonna want these."

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. "Dean didn't tell me to get them though."

The cashier did nothing but pucker her lips and close her eyes for a split second, only so she could relive the unimpressed look. "And who's Dean?"

"My friend," Castiel answered, not understanding the situation he was in.

The cashier was quiet for a moment, staring at Cas with her big, brown eyes and the same unimpressed expression. "Mhm," she hummed with a sarcastic nod. "Friend, sure." She rung up Castiel's total.

"I'll be paying with Credit," Cas said as he fished for his—or Dean's—credit card. He finished paying and took his bags. Just before he left he turned around. "I hope you're right about needing that Trojan, because I don't want Dean getting upset with me for spending more money than he thought I would."

"Don't worry, honey," the cashier said to the angel. "Even if he did get angry, I'm sure you'd enjoy the punishment anyways."

Castiel, once again, did not understand, but he decided to leave it at that and teleport back to his house.

"I'm back," he called to Dean. He set the bags down on the sofa. "and I got everything you told me to."

"Great," Dean said as he came into the room, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. He walked past Castiel towards the bags and looked inside. He pulled out the box of Trojan, then turned around and looked at his friend in confusion.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you buy condoms?"

Castiel looked at the box. "You mean the box of Trojan?" he continued before Dean could reply. "Because the cashier said I would need it."

Dean looked at the condoms. "You? Needing these?" the man gave out a single snort. "Yeah, right." he tossed the condoms at Castiel.

"She said that since I was buying cucumbers and that Jelly I would need those too," Castiel said to Dean as he was walking away with the bags in his hands.

Dean stopped and looked back at Castiel, who threw the condoms at him. "Since you were asking me to get the cucumbers and jelly, I guess you and Sam need these."

Dean caught the condoms, then stared at Cas, who stared back at him. The man opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. "Never mind." he said, then walked away.

Castiel stood in silence for a moment before calling out to him. "You're welcome!"

_**(YaoiYaoiYaoi)**_

**Welp... hope ya liked it. Ignore typos I missed and what not. And a review would really be appreciated... please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is just a really short fanfiction. It's about Halloween. 'Nuff said. Oh and if you didn't notice I decided to turn this into a series. About what? I have no idea. I thought it could be centred around Castiel and his general inability to understand human concepts and society norms, at least that was what I had in mind for this series, but... I don't know. Maybe it'll just be about Supernatural in general? Whatever, we'll just see what this becomes. It'll most likely be about the whole Cas thing though.****  
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**Title: Halloween Demons  
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**Words: 595 (1 page)  
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**Genre: Humour/Parody  
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**Pairings: N/A****  
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_**(Supernatural)**_**  
**

It was the afternoon on Halloween day and Dean was relaxing comfortably on his sofa with his feet kicked up, a bottle of beer in his hand and his eyes on the TV. He had decided not to do any Halloween stuff that year, since I can tell you, last year's wasn't all that great, and he needed a break. He just wanted it to be himself, Sammy and Cas, just sitting around, watching TV, drinking some beers, perhaps eating some candy. It was going to be great. Or, rather, he thought it was going to be great, but you could probably already tell it wasn't going to be, and if you couldn't... well then... surprise!

There was a loud "ding dong" as the doorbell to his house was pushed.

"I got it," Castiel said as he appeared, from nowhere, in front of the door.

Before Dean could tell him not the bother, Cas already had the door open, standing face to face with a little kid holding out a bucket and shouting "trick or treat!". But Castiel noticed something about the kid; his eyes were pure black.

"A demon!" Before anyone could even think the angel had tackled the kid to the ground. There were screams of surprise and a single, but very confused, "what the fuck are you doing to my kid!?". Dean rushed up from his seat to see what all the ruckus was about.

"Castiel!?" Dean said in shock to see him holding the kid to the ground.

"Dean it's a demon!" Castiel explained. "How did you find us?" he asked the boy.

"Castiel!" Dean said frantically, looking at the mother's expression of horror at this strange man assaulting her son.

"What?"

"It's not really a demon."

"It's not?" Castiel asked as he confusedly peered down at the boy. "but he has black eyes."

"They're contacts," Dean said in tired voice. "the kid is dressed up for Halloween."

Castiel released the kid from his grip. "Oh." he stood up and exchanged his apologizing glance between the child and his mother, who glared nothing but pure daggers at the angel. "Sorry."

Dean ushered Castiel into the house while he sorted things out with the enraged mother. Sam walked downstairs to the commotion.

"What's going on?" Sam asked Cas, who was sitting on the couch with a guilty look on his face.

"I mistook a kid for a demon," the angel explained.

"And?" Sam asked when Cas didn't continue.

"And I tackled him to the ground." he added reluctantly.

"Sammy, I don't think Cas should be handing out the candy," Dean commented as he came inside the house and closed the door behind him.

Sam gave a sharp exhale of almost disbelief and agreement. "We might as well just tape a paper on the door that says we don't have any candy, then eat all of it ourselves."

"I like the way you think," Dean pointed a finger at Sam, then quickly made a sign like the one that his brother had described, taped it to the door, grabbed the box of candy and threw himself on the couch between Sam and Cas. There the three of them ate all the candy, drank all the beer and watched all the TV.

And the lady never pressed charges on Castiel for him assaulting her child.

Everyone wins!

Except Sam.

I don't know what he wanted out of this.

The end.

_**(Supernatural)**_

**Sammy should speak up. I don't read minds you know!**


End file.
